Amniotic
Amniotic fluid
Amniotic fluid embolism
Amniotic band syndrome
Bingo. That’s the one; five auto-fill lines down in a Google search. “Amniotic band syndrome.” This is the first time that I have ever looked it up. While it isn’t known for certain – I mean, no one has actually verified it in a medical study of any kind – this is what they think was wrong with me. The mystery of the missing part, my missing part.
I’ll admit that in this moment, as I write this to you, I’m feeling a little shocked at myself, at my negligence. How I’ve made it through decades of life without ever diving into the nature and cause of my very own mystery is somewhat baffling. The mystery of what’s missing from me. I thought maybe I could address one of my most frequently asked questions, one that I receive with such regularity these days that it seemed right to address it here, in this post. We’re nothing if not always honest with one another, isn’t that true? You always make sure to tell me when I falter; when I mislead or confuse you in my recipes, leaving out an ingredient or a step, or something. Or when I have a typo so egregious that you simply must inform me via the comment box at the bottom of the screen.
I appreciate this, I swear I do. I consider it constructive, an indication of interest on behalf of you and a bit of a push forward on behalf of me. It helps me grow, your criticism and commentary. You keep me humble, friend, that much I know. You help me become a better blogger and in turn, I feel the least of what I can do is be truthful here with you. Transparent, like freshly Windexed windows. Why not? I vowed to give you context, to share myself with you so you at least get a glimpse into where these recipes are coming from. You’re giving me your time, so I will give you my truth. The whole of it, and nothing but.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right. The FAQ. I have had multiple people send in requests for videos to go along with my recipes and I should start by confessing that I love the idea. Who doesn’t enjoy a good recipe video? As someone who has probably logged more hours of Food Network and Cooking Channel viewing than any other human on the planet, I can assure you that the thought has crossed my mind. I would very much enjoy producing gorgeous, artsy video content to accompany my recipes and photos here on the blog, because I know you’d get a kick out of them. I can actually envision them in my head and they’re INSPIRED. But here’s the thing:
Amniotic Band Syndrome.
Say it with me now! Say it three times fast; see if your tongue doesn’t get all tied up and twisted. Mine does, when I try. It reminds me of the vocal exercises we’d do at theater camp when I was a kid. Yes, I said theater camp. You think band camp is extra? It has absolutely nothing on theater camp.
Mommy made me mash my M&M’s. Unique New York Unique New York Unique New York. She sells sea shells.
Amniotic Band Syndrome. There it is. I’ve let it out.
You see, I have that. Or, had, I guess. I think it’s more of a past-tense syndrome – an “event” that occurs during a baby’s gestational period, and then it ends. Fin! I am no longer, and really never have been, referred to as someone with a syndrome, so yeah, I tend to look at it more as just that, an event. A band event, not to be confused with a band camp.
According to the University of California at San Francisco’s Fetal Treatment Center, Amniotic Band Syndrome is a rare condition caused by strands of the amniotic sac that break off and get tangled around parts of the fetus – digits, toes, limbs, etc. That’s what we’ve been told happened to me, in utero. Which, by the way, is a frigid, intergalactic sounding word.
In 1983, when I was but a mere fetal inhabitant of the hot, volcanic planet Utero, bands of amniotic sac wrapped and tangled themselves around my left wrist so tightly that they actually amputated it; clean off. Again this has been neither proven nor confirmed, but it’s the only explanation or hypothesis I’ve ever been given, so it’s the one I’ve held on to, but only in the back of my mind, in the outskirts. I don’t think about them too much, the amniotic bands, and this truly is the first time I’ve ever researched the term. I’m really not sure why that is.
Maybe it’s because it makes no difference how it happened; it is what it is. I used to tell people that I lost my hand in a shark attack. It was like a small gift I gave myself. Only every once in a blue moon would I do it, but the simple pleasure of getting a brief yet effective rise out of people was satisfying. It just was. This is my confession.
I figured if I had to go around being stared at by most everyone I passed, watching people trying so hard to not fix their gazes on my arm when I was talking to them, then I could inject a little fun into the affair; to me, from me. Band’s prerogative. And between you and me, the temptation is still there.
“As it grows and develops, the fetus floats around in amniotic fluid in the mother’s uterus. What keeps the fluid around the fetus and in the uterus is a sac. This sac has two layers which are stuck together: the outermost layer which lines the uterus is called the ‘chorion,’ and the layer closer to the fetus is called the ‘amnion.’”
It is believed that Amniotic Band Syndrome occurs when the amnion ruptures without causing any injury to the chorion. Floating around in its fluid home, the fetus is none the wiser, and neither are its physicians. Carry on my wayward son. Or, in my case – daughter. But then, somewhere along the line, the fetus is exposed to the floating tissue – the bands – from the torn amnion. And this is when things get dicey, this when the tangling happens.
Things that are rare are usually interesting by default. Blue moons happen every 2.7 years. Total solar eclipses are rare – very rare. While they occur somewhere on our planet every 18 months on average, it is estimated that they recur at any given place only once every 360 to 410 years. Amniotic Band Syndrome occurs about once in every 15,000 births and happens purely by chance.
Well now, isn’t that special.
My Dad’s favorite song is “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”
It does not appear to be genetic or hereditary, Amniotic Band Syndrome. So, the likelihood of it occurring in another pregnancy or in future pregnancies of the baby born with the syndrome is not high, it’s an uncommon thing. This will be important later on. It’s the only part that has ever really mattered to me.
***
When you send me requests for videos – moving pictures of myself whipping and chopping and stirring and flipping the foods that are the building blocks of my recipes, I find that I’m not sure what to do. You’ll see me, but I won’t see you as I would if we passed each other on the street. I can’t spin tall tales and silly stories of harrowing danger; sharks and crocodiles. I won’t be able to read your face, to see you trying not to look. I won’t see your stare. But there it will be, just on the other side of the screen. I know it, and I don’t know what to do with it.
Not just yet.
